Where TF I’ve Been For Six Months

Hi, Friends. Hi there. Hi. Hi. Hiiiiii. HI.

Six months is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to just abandon your hobbies, right?

Want a little update of Lola’s world? Here’s six months of updates and random shit that’s been floating around in my head and heart, in a few sentences.

September – Threenager Maggie started school and we’re grateful to get back into the swing of things. I like routines and checklists, even if I break the rules half the time.
October – Happy Halloween!  I dressed up as a tired-ass mom with spit-up on her shirt. I also ate all of Maggie’s Twix. Sorry ’bout it. Started taking Wellbutrin to help with some leftover anxiety. EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE FINE, RIGHT?
November – Happy Thanksgiving! The holidays are here, which means we’re broke and probably stressed the fuck out. But it was good to see family, and eat Mom’s food, of course.
December – Merry Fuggin’ Christmas. Marc and I always get super stressed during December because HI FAMILY DRAMA. But we managed to have a good time this year and I’m hoping it can always be that easy. I didn’t even take Xanax, y’all. (+50 points to me.) Stopped taking Wellbutrin because I felt AWFUL and possessed. No thank you, ma’am.
January – Happy New Year! I’m 30 now! I had A TON of sweet friends send me special pins for my bday, per my request, and I plan to do a video soon showing you all of those. Also, we finally got Maggie potty trained. Feeling good about 2018, despite starting the year off with three – count them – THREE funerals.
February – Happy Love Month. I have a lot to be thankful for, especially for starting my period after three days of being late. JESUS, THAT WAS CLOSE. (Love you, little family, but NO.) Ruby is eating food now, and finally getting teeth. She’s so GD cute.

As for my mental state:

My brain – I wish it would have been possible to leave the blinking line there, right after the dash, so you could have a clear understanding that my brain has just been a blinking line at the end of a half-typed sentence. I’m frustrated about still having up and down days, despite being on depression and anxiety medicine at the moment. Wellbutrin tried to kill me, so it’s just a matter of me raising my hand for help in front of the right doctor. Meh.
My weight/diet – Someone help me understand what the frick-frack is happening to my body. After Ruby was born, I have just consistently and steadily gained weight each month. I don’t know if it’s my Zoloft, or chicken parmesan, or just life in general, but I need to make some changes before long. I haven’t been in the mood to hate myself when I look in the mirror, and have been trying to be a little easy on myself, but spending money on new jeans because your old ones don’t fit is NOT something this girl wants to do.
My home – I spent a good amount of the holidays minimizing around the house. Tupperware bottoms that had no tops – GONE. Clothes with holes or two sizes too small – GONE. Books we didn’t love and cherish – GONE. Broken toys and junk – GONE. It felt good, man. So good.
My heart – I’ve been taking care of myself in 2018, trying to be loving and good to ME so I can be good to others. I’ve been trying to let anger go. I’ve been trying to see things from a different perspective. So far, it’s been a weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel good about the future. Deep breaths. I go back and forth on checking out from the outside world to just face mask and read in my spare time, instead of flip through Tasty videos and solve NYT crosswords on my phone for hours, but I guess there’s always room for improvement.
My money – Without going into too much detail since we’re in the midst of it, we’ve had to deal with a frustrating commission issue, but the good news is that it has forced us to look at our budget more closely. I’ve become the budgeting master and Excel whiz. I’ve now switched spots with Marc and wince every time I swipe my debit card. I added up all our debt (house, cars, credit cards, student loans) and made a plan to pay it off. Who knows if that will happen, but HEY, man. We’re trying. Still want to make a shout-out to the Bank of Mom, that transfers money “just until payday, I swear” for 0% interest on a moment’s notice. We’re grateful for that. Truly.
My faith – Grateful to God, still talk to Jesus. I burn sage and charge crystals and ask Great Spirit to bless our house. Will read your tarot cards for practice. An intuitive, progressive witch who thinks brown Jesus was probably pretty cool, and hopefully forgiving of our asshole-selves in this current day and time.

So, there you have it. Six months worth. I know I say this every time, but I really do hope to get back into my writing game. I hope to get back into a lot of things that make me feel good about myself. Lots of hope. But I mean it. I love you guys. Video coming soon with alllllll my birthday pins. Soon-ish. You know what I mean. xoxo.

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