Sometimes, your longtime friend steals the words out of your mouth and brain, and it’s a friggin’ relief to hear someone say the things you’ve been feeling. I’ve mentioned my friend Tabitha before, and I’m mentioning her again, because she’s been writing about her own life over at Messy Worthiness, and she hits the nail on the head on how I’m feeling too. Today is August 1st, and she’s starting a little challenge that I’m joining too, called #messygraces.
“Do you ever feel like you are a super big failure and nothing you do is right and then you spend the whole day just mentally beating yourself up about all the things you did that were horrible that day?” — Tabitha at Messy Worthiness
NO! (Yes). Hell to the yes, I do.
She’s in recovery right now, and her therapist asked everyone to start a journal where they give themselves three graces every day. It’s a chance to acknowledge something you did that you could have maybe done better, but forgive yourself and move on from. Sigh. Can I petition for like, nine graces a day? FINE, I’ll do three.
Do you know why I’m looking forward to this? I need a break. I need a break from the guilt of rolling my eyes at my kid when she asks me to “HOLD ME, MOMMY” for the 86th time in a night. I need a break from the guilt of looking at my husband in the eye and asking him how his day was at 9:00PM for the first time that day. I need a break from the guilt of eating a Hershey’s bar in bed. I need a break from the guilt of wishing I had a day of vacation BY MYSELF where I do things like walk down the aisles of HEB and LOOK at all the groceries. It’s been all about me right now, because I’ve been trying to keep my head above the water, and I need a break from feeling bad about that. So, #messygraces it is.
I have a Traveler’s Notebook that I’ll be using for this challenge. I hope to decorate the pages, but the overall thing I’m giving myself grace for is that it’s okay if these pages aren’t beautiful, Pinterest-worthy pages. That’s not the point for me. Not right now.