Hey weirdos. It’s me, Queen of Crazy, coming to you with some kinda-weird, kinda-crunchy things I’m currently trying or want to try soon. I’ve been MIA for the last few weeks because I’ve been giving myself some space and reprieve from stress, while practicing self-care.
Have I talked about my Secret World before? My Secret World is the place I live in my head and in my heart. It’s where conventional rules don’t apply. It’s where no one has to pretend you’ve got your shit together. I have purple hair and lots of tattoos/piercings in Secret World, and no one cares about the stretch marks they’re next to. I drink a TON of coffee in a cool little cottage that’s in the woods, but not scary, horror-movie-woods. There are strings of lights and caterpillars inching their way along wooden fence posts. There is ALWAYS real, salted butter on the counter, ready for toast. Flowers and artwork and music and Macbooks and all the pretty things live here, and 2-hour naps are a daily, spiritual ritual. I even have a Pinterest board called “iloveSECRETWORLD” where things I’d totally have in this magical land are pinned.
I’ve been in the mood to bring some Secret World to my Actual World, and since I can’t have purple hair or a nose piercing, I’m trying these kinda-crunchy things instead:
- Natural Deodorant – Some of you may know I had a bilateral mastectomy a couple of years ago in response to a positive BRCA1 gene mutation result, so part of that journey meant discovering a couple of handy tips and tricks to help keep cancer away. One of them was to switch to natural deodorant that doesn’t contain aluminum. I made the switch this summer (really, Alyssa? Texas summer?) and, you know what? I love it. In the beginning, I was afraid I was going to smell like a third grade boy after recess, because apparently, while you detox from regular deodorant, your body responds in a way that basically says, “Mkay, girl, you wanna play? WE’LL PLAY.” But I used TheCrunchyMamaBear’s Armpit Detox to get through the beginning, and it worked! I’m now using Primal Pit Paste in Jasmine and Patchouli, and TheCrunchyBearMama’s Natural Deodorant. Now I smell like tea tree and peppermint oil, so hopefully all the Trump voters out there know I don’t fuck around. #hippie
- Gardening – If you want a plant to die, give it to me, and I’ll make sure it happens. SO UNFAIR, because my dad could make a pile of ashes grow into a goddamned rose bush after a few weeks. Why didn’t I get those genes? But I’ve managed to keep two human beings alive, so I should really be at a point in my life where I can take care of a plant. Right? RIGHT? I have a single solitary plant in my kitchen that I got months ago, which might as well be a million years ago in my house, and it’s STILL ALIVE. So I’m inspired to try my hand at other plants too, and hopefully some vegetables if I become expert-level using this Guide to Vegetable Gardening. If it all goes to shit, I bid thee plants farewell. Rest in peace, guys. I honestly tried.
- Bug Collecting – Raise your hand if you’d rather die a slow death than touch a cockroach. RAISE. But, y’all, I took an entomology class in college (English majors avoiding physics – raise your hands uuuuup – repreSENT) and it was so much fun. We had to do a pinned bug collection, and thank God my older sister helped me pin those motherfuckers, because the Lord knows I couldn’t do that by myself. As Maggie puts it, “bugs are a little scary, Mommy, but it’s okay, they not hurt us.” Finding bugs is one of our favorite things to do, so I hope we can collect together and show Miss Ruby someday. Plus, Dad’s afraid of spiders, so someone’s gotta catch ’em. I even got the Texas Bug Book for Maggie’s birthday so we can be official about it.
- Essential Oils – I’ve always loved the smell and feeling I get when I smell certain oils. Patchouli has been my favorite since the dawn of time. But lately, since I’ve been in a bit of a funk, I’ve been willing to try anything to put some pep in my step. I have a friend at work who recommended this Essential Oils Natural Remedies book, so I ordered it, because the idea of using oils to heal is perfectly witchy and lovely to me. P.S. – If you’re reading this and plan to come at me with your Young Living marketing, just know I’m an oil rookie on a budget and can’t afford your fanciness for like, another year or two. Sorry in advance.
- Self-Care Sunday – Right now, I’m all about making and taking time for my brain to process all that’s happening around me. I’m giving myself a little bit of time on Sundays for some Meditation, Mind-Mapping, Listening to Inspirational Podcasts, General Witchiness, Deepak Chopra’s Anxiety Checklist, Reading, Mud Masks, Spiritual Thoughts, Favorite Quotes, Chakra Affirmations, Mindfulness, and Avocado Toast. Just kidding on the avocado toast. I’ve talked WAY too much shit about avocado toast for me to be able to eat it now. I’m making official time for me to take care of myself, because sometimes, you’ve gotta do that.
Do something that makes you happy and feeds your soul. If you’re in Texas like I am, stay safe. This Hurricane Harvey business is no joke. Side note: something compelled me to Google if sharks are safe during hurricanes. Did you know sharks can sense changes in biometric pressure, and those little sharp-toothed swimmers GO TO THE DEEP to stay safe. That kinda makes me happy. So, be a shark and swim to the deep, okay? Stay safe. I love you all.