Nah, that was a lie. I’ve got plenty more ahead of me, but I decided yesterday that it was the Last Day of Pretending Like Everything Is Fine, ’cause it’s not.
I’ll start with the fact this this is about more than vanity. If I *totally* didn’t care about what others thought of me, I probably wouldn’t hive out at the thought of being in a bathing suit this summer. So, realistically, it’s a little bit about vanity. But, for the record, anyone that says something along the lines of “having a baby is a reason, not an excuse” can eat shit. Really, go do it, because that kind of pressure is for the birds, and I’m not subscribing to being healthy via bullying.
Maybe I made a human six whole months ago, and maybe I should be “healthy” by now, but shoving the whole diet and exercise thing aside for a minute and looking at what making a human does to you on an emotional level is enough to make you Looney Tunes all on its own. I am truly happy for my friends who have babies and run marathons. Go you! Do what makes you happy! But for the rest of the moms (or even Not-Moms) who have always hated exercising and FORREAL eat cookies in bed, that’s not how we roll. It’s a straight-up task, people. Some days, it’s a task to even get out of bed, and we’re lucky that I even got dressed. I’m just not motivated by the same things other people are motivated by, and I don’t think that makes me a bad guy. You know what motivates me? Queso. Chips and queso.
But lately, it’s been weighing on me (see what I did there?) a while that something has to change with the way I treat myself. I’ve learned a lot in the past few weeks while trying to be aware of how I go about it all:
I’ve learned that I’m an emotional eater, and there is a food for every occasion. Tired? Donut. Happy? Taco.
I’ve learned that while I’m COMPLETELY aware of what is “good” and what is “bad” for you, I am the Queen of Excuses, and will find a way to ignore any and all knowledge about what I know is right.
I’ve learned that the thought of being responsible for another human being’s happiness and wellbeing and also trying to completely change our lifestyle and the way we think about diet and exercise makes me throw metaphorical confetti in the air and say, “Fuck it. That’s WAY too hard.”
You know what else I learned?
I’ve learned that, for me, this change has to be personal, and it needs to be driven from peace and kindness, because I’m not motivated to be better by self-loathing or meanness.
I’ve learned that being a good example for my Magna-doodle is sometimes going to be harder than I thought. (“Cookies are a Sometimes Food, Dylan Bird!” NOMNOMNOM.)
I’ve learned that in this process, I’m going to have to nurture myself even more than I already try to. I already know there will be a lot of “checking in” with myself, and a lot of accountability and responsibility (boo, where’s the wine?) going on.
That’s a little overwhelming. And daunting. And terrifying. And OHGOD, WHAT AM I COMMITTING TO? But here’s what I’m doing to get started:
– Marc already started cutting meat out of his diet, so I decided to do the same. Have I ever talked about how much I love beef? Well, we’re cooling it on the beef, and other meat, for obvious health reasons, but also at an attempt to reduce our footprint. I guess every time I want a steak, I’ll watch that video of the farmer playing a trombone to his cows. (That’s a real video. Stop what you’re doing and go watch it if you haven’t.)
– We’re exercising (at home, duh) for 25 minutes every other night. Laugh all you want, but I’m dreading it.
– I’m committing to 30 Days of Yoga from Yoga with Adriene. I’ve watched her videos on the past, and she’s so kind-hearted and makes me feel like a normal human being, so YES to that.
– I’m writing in my Diet Doodle Diary, because if there is only one way to this girl’s heart, it’s through paper and talking about my feelings. So BAM!
Wish me luck, y’all. If it still feels healthy to post about my progress (or, you know, not-progress), I will. Peace and LOVE to you today, and always, friends!